You're Beautiful

A friend and I were commenting that more often than not God speaks to us through music, and not always through Christian music. Obviously my first post was about the words of a song that moved me to tears. I grew up in a house where music was played constantly.....either someone was singing, or playing a guitar or a record/tape/CD (depending on the year, ha ha). I like all kinds of music.

But the music I LOVE is the song that I want to listen to over and over and over again until it becomes somewhat of a mantra for me. It could be any given song and at any given time but when a song hits me, it HITS me. It makes a mark on my soul. It opens my eyes. It touches me in a way that little else can.

When Whitney Houston died my husband made a lot of fun of me because I was so stricken with grief. He rolled his eyes, hardly understanding how someone I had never known could make me sob. But her voice was pure magic. I've relayed this story to my real-life friends before, but my dad always told me that if I was going to bother singing I might as well do it like someone who made you believe it like Whitney Houston.

She could have been singing a song about a dirty dishrag but you would have believed that it was the most wonderful dirty dishrag in the world because she sang it like she meant it. That's why when I heard this song by her I played it non-stop for days on end.

Something about this song rings true with me. I know what it's like to be so aware of my own sense of lack that I can barely put one foot in front of the other. She knew. And if she didn't, she sure does a good job of pretending.

About to lose my breath,

There's no more fighting left,

Sinking to rise no more,

Searching for that open door,

And every road that I've taken

Led to my regret,

And I don't know if I'm gonna make it,

Nothing to do but lift my head.

There are so many of us who feel this way.....like they're drowning. But Jesus said, "Come to me all you who are burdened and heavy laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) As John Flavel said in the 17th century:

Here is the encouragement Christ gives to this duty, And I will give you rest: "anapauso mas". I will refresh you, I will give you rest from your labor, your consciences shall be pacified, your hearts at rest and quiet in that pardon, peace and favor of God which I will procure for you by my death. But here it must be heedfully noted, that this promise of rest in Christ is not made to men simply as they are sinners, nor yet as they are burdened and heavy laden sinners, but as they come to Christ, that is as they are believers.

I look to you, I look to you....

When all my strength is gone, in you I can be strong.

I look to you, I look to you....

And when melodies are gone, in you I hear a song.

Unredeemed.....How Did It Start?

redeem: [ri-deem]

verb (used with an object): to recover possession or ownership of

This is not the only definition of to redeem but it's the one that means the most to me.

One song, boiled down to one word, sparked the idea for this blog. There's a song called "Unredeemed" sung by a group named Selah. This is not typically the kind of song I would listen to but I had been researching some hymns and updated versions of them and came across this song in the process.

It stopped me in my tracks. Halfway through the song, I had tears streaming from my eyes. Here are the lyrics:

The cruelest word, the coldest heart,

The deepest wound, the endless dark.

The lonely ache, the burning tears,

The bitter nights, the wasted years.

Life breaks and falls apart,

But we know these are

Places where grace is

Soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored,

But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord

Just watch and see, it will not be unredeemed.

For every choice that led to shame,

And all the love that never came,

For every vow that someone broke,

And every life that gave up hope.

We live in the shadow of the fall

But the cross says these are all

Places where grace is

Soon to be so amazing.

It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored,

But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord

Just watch and see, it will not be unredeemed.

Places where grace is

Soon to be so amazing.

It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored

But you never know the miracle the Father has in store.

Just watch and see, it will not be unredeemed.

I have been a Christian for a long time. In fact, so long that I don't even remember when I really came to that conclusion....it just always was that way. In my 34 years, I've had periods of doubt and what poets and theologians have referred to as a "dark night of the soul" experience.

But the darkest experience for me has been something that a lot of people - particularly Christians - don't talk about. Depression.

I have fought it for many years now. With the aid of medication, therapy, physicians, and God I have managed to lead an existence that I feel has fallen just short of normal.

I feel unfulfilled and I feel unrestored. So when those words were in the lyrics to this song it resonated deep inside of me.

As Christians the concept of redemption is a core belief. It is the epicenter, the centrality of our faith. Christ REDEEMED us from sin. He saved us. And that use of the word isn't wrong but I made up my mind to follow Christ a long time ago. I believe redemption is ongoing but I am starting to see that redemption takes on different characteristics depending upon the depth of our relationship with Christ.

As someone who is hurting inside and often feels as if I have nothing to offer in this life, the thought of being redeemed is overwhelmingly beautiful. I picture myself sitting outside the unredeemed luggage office at the airport and suddenly Jesus strolls up and says, "You're all tattered and bruised. You've got some rips in your upholstery. But I've come back to redeem you. You're mine. Did you think I would leave you here even if you were broken?"

I may be unfulfilled, I may be unrestored. I am definitely shattered.

But I'm laying myself before God and I believe that I will not be unredeemed.

And neither will you. If you find yourself feeling this way, know that there are others out there who struggle with this as well. I am going to keep writing honestly about how I hurt and I am going to lay my shattered self before Christ again and again. It will not be unredeemed.